Hesitated to apply to join for a while
Posted: Tue Mar 12, 2024 12:07 am
Hi, I've been hanging around discord and the Squad server on and off for a while,
And, famously, avoiding applying to join haha
Forums and self hosted media platforms are cool though so I'm going to try to resurrect my art of forum posting! Let's see if I can't work my magic of getting people to talk about feelings a little
There's been a couple of things making me hesitate with applying to join:
1. Duyfken Pact
I'm coming from a community called Duyfken Pact which is a community centred around Wolfpack. I'm kind of involved in running it and I still care about it a lot, but I've been really burned out lately with Wolfpack and the game itself is kind of languishing in development hell and soon to die out I reckon. I never thought I could commit to playing the same game every week and, surprise, I couldn't!
And I sort of think I'm going to go through the same cycle here and I'm not a "long term" person who's going to be here forever like all you real and authentic people. There's also been some drama in Duyfken Pact recently which got me down, just members falling out and refusing to be around each other, which I don't want to push me or other people away from the community.
I'm a scattered person with a lot of hobbies and I don't want to disappoint you folks or them by drifting away on you, but maybe I can't avoid that. Last week my therapist was asking me who is this person I think I'm supposed to be? It's an interesting one to think about..
2. Community Behaviour
I'm not gonna lie, subsim games still have kind of an exceptional and weird community that I love, and it's a little different in the online FPS space. As a teenager I was actually in another clan where we played Battlefield Bad Company 2, and I moved onto CoD4 which persisted long after later games came out because it ran kind of universally on everything and was a last holdout before an era of microtransactions. I don't think there's any trace of that clan left now but that one tore itself up too over infighting over the founder taking donation money for things that were not server costs. But I know outside of those communities people can be awful.
I actually really enjoyed Mordhau for a while and got good at it, but the community on that really pushed me away too. The developers seemed to be taking an "ignore the problem" approach and there was zero moderation in that game and chat consistently had a lot of hate speech in it from people who think being edgy is clever. It just reached a point where I figured Mordhau needed to sort its stuff out or I wasn't going to play it anymore.
Squad is a really intriguing format to me and I want to play it, but for someone coming from games like Wolfpack or Barotrauma where you can manage 4-12 people for a few hours I'm in contact with a much bigger group of a different kind of people, and that's been coming with a lot of behaviour I don't really want to be around.
And to be honest today someone joined my squad and really started giving me grief. I probably put up with it a little too long and it got under my skin a bit before I kicked him. Huge shout outs to Eazy for kicking him from the server after he started following me around and behaving like a weirdo. That really showed me that you've got people who aren't looking for a rigid Bad Word, you'll look someone's intent and effect and be prepared to act to keep it a positive environment. That stuff makes you think about who'll look out for you.
In Conclusion
I applied to join, but I've got to be candid about how I can go quiet for a long time sometimes and don't know how long it's going to stick. I get enough admin and grief about paperwork in my job and I've got this other community I've still got a foot in so I don't really know if I'll be consistent in the ways that you folks might want, but heck you've been lovely to me so I'll throw in my hat to give it a go.
You'll probably get bored of me talking too much or trying to get us all to psychoanalyze each other quite quickly though and all the mystique will be gone soon enough.
I've been having some fun conversations with you lot, exploring all the different kinds of people out there is kind of my thing and I can see that people here are introspective and striving, even if you don't talk about it in the same way that I do. Is this your first gaming community or the latest in a long line? Do you think you'll be here for life or are you just kicking around while you're getting through something else?
And, famously, avoiding applying to join haha
Forums and self hosted media platforms are cool though so I'm going to try to resurrect my art of forum posting! Let's see if I can't work my magic of getting people to talk about feelings a little
There's been a couple of things making me hesitate with applying to join:
1. Duyfken Pact
I'm coming from a community called Duyfken Pact which is a community centred around Wolfpack. I'm kind of involved in running it and I still care about it a lot, but I've been really burned out lately with Wolfpack and the game itself is kind of languishing in development hell and soon to die out I reckon. I never thought I could commit to playing the same game every week and, surprise, I couldn't!
And I sort of think I'm going to go through the same cycle here and I'm not a "long term" person who's going to be here forever like all you real and authentic people. There's also been some drama in Duyfken Pact recently which got me down, just members falling out and refusing to be around each other, which I don't want to push me or other people away from the community.
I'm a scattered person with a lot of hobbies and I don't want to disappoint you folks or them by drifting away on you, but maybe I can't avoid that. Last week my therapist was asking me who is this person I think I'm supposed to be? It's an interesting one to think about..
2. Community Behaviour
I'm not gonna lie, subsim games still have kind of an exceptional and weird community that I love, and it's a little different in the online FPS space. As a teenager I was actually in another clan where we played Battlefield Bad Company 2, and I moved onto CoD4 which persisted long after later games came out because it ran kind of universally on everything and was a last holdout before an era of microtransactions. I don't think there's any trace of that clan left now but that one tore itself up too over infighting over the founder taking donation money for things that were not server costs. But I know outside of those communities people can be awful.
I actually really enjoyed Mordhau for a while and got good at it, but the community on that really pushed me away too. The developers seemed to be taking an "ignore the problem" approach and there was zero moderation in that game and chat consistently had a lot of hate speech in it from people who think being edgy is clever. It just reached a point where I figured Mordhau needed to sort its stuff out or I wasn't going to play it anymore.
Squad is a really intriguing format to me and I want to play it, but for someone coming from games like Wolfpack or Barotrauma where you can manage 4-12 people for a few hours I'm in contact with a much bigger group of a different kind of people, and that's been coming with a lot of behaviour I don't really want to be around.
And to be honest today someone joined my squad and really started giving me grief. I probably put up with it a little too long and it got under my skin a bit before I kicked him. Huge shout outs to Eazy for kicking him from the server after he started following me around and behaving like a weirdo. That really showed me that you've got people who aren't looking for a rigid Bad Word, you'll look someone's intent and effect and be prepared to act to keep it a positive environment. That stuff makes you think about who'll look out for you.
In Conclusion
I applied to join, but I've got to be candid about how I can go quiet for a long time sometimes and don't know how long it's going to stick. I get enough admin and grief about paperwork in my job and I've got this other community I've still got a foot in so I don't really know if I'll be consistent in the ways that you folks might want, but heck you've been lovely to me so I'll throw in my hat to give it a go.
You'll probably get bored of me talking too much or trying to get us all to psychoanalyze each other quite quickly though and all the mystique will be gone soon enough.
I've been having some fun conversations with you lot, exploring all the different kinds of people out there is kind of my thing and I can see that people here are introspective and striving, even if you don't talk about it in the same way that I do. Is this your first gaming community or the latest in a long line? Do you think you'll be here for life or are you just kicking around while you're getting through something else?